first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
