Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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