Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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