Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
