The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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