the condom got lost in my hair
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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