hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
