Tell her she can't have a vagina
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
