She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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