please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
