hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
