I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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