haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
