i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
