"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
