You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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