i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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