I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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