I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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