So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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