a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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