I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
