Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
