why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
