i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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