Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
