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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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