he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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