Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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