I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
