Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize