I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
