I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
