who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
