I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
