Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
