I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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