You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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