i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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