Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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