i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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