I cockslap morals
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
