Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
