Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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