I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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