So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
