I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
