I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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