oh fat girl friday strikes again...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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