Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
