dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
