fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
