I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
