My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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