new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize