FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
