so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize