her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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