Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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