I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
