I am in a vortex of obligation.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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