This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
