I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
