I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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