batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
