apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are two peas in an std pod
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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