Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
