my sisters under your porch take her home
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
