my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
