id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
